On Sunday we went to marz little niece birthday party. She turned 4. That day I was mixed with emotions: excited, sad, happy, nervous, hopeful and determined. First set of emotions were triggered when marz mom tricked me by holding a 8month baby girl that belonged to his brothers friend. I was so upset and building tension when she just put her on my lap and said “here hold her”. In my mind I didn’t want to hold another little girl besides my own.i was ok to hold little boys but not the little girls. After a while I calmed down and I looked at the baby and I did it I was holding a baby. The second emotions came in when the baby girls mom surprised me by asking me how Aria passed away. I stood there quite thinking if it was ok to say. I just thought in my head that I have done this before. I have managed to tell strangers my story in group counseling so why can’t I tell her. I did I blurred it out and I just said it. It encouraged me to post my story on here too which I will in a couple of days. The last event that day was joy. Marz relatives from a town about three hours away also came to the party. As they were getting ready to go they asked, “so we still having the wedding? Didn’t you two say it wad on march 22?” I couldn’t believe they remembered. But with Aria passing we didn’t plan anything. We were pushing the idea back and not Thinking about getting married at all. Marz and I didn’t know what to say. But eventually the moment eased up when his cousin said well we are here if u need anything for planing or food. Lol. So I dunno march 22 is approaching soon and our anniversary we will see what happens then.
isn’t it suppose to get easier from here? i feel like i am fallen back again. i find myself thinking about Aria all the time again. Every little thing is triggering tears in my eyes and just want to sleep all day so i won’t feel sad anymore.
The support group made me feel so sad. Going in the first day, i was happy content to where my grief was. Where i can think about Aria in a good and positive way. Once we got to sharing my story to a bunch of strangers i just couldn’t do it. Marz had to finish it for me. i broke down and cried and couldn’t control myself. I want to be able to tell my story besides just saying that she passed away. but i realized that i couldn’t …i can’t.
Angel babies support group tonight nervous and scared. Hoping for the best.
We got a much needed new car back in January. We decided to put a sticker on it remembering little Aria (;
the little men in our lives saying “I love you Aria” (to their cousin )
Little Jaylen saying it by himself …so cute:)
Nephews: Derek, AIden, Jaylen
Aria’s cousins decided to visit and bring her gifts. They also made her a flower vase with all their names and a little horse with wings :)
Aiden, Jaylen, Derek